I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
