Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
