WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize