so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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