You just made me feel so damn special
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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