after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
sarcasm needs its own font
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
