btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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