no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
