Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
