Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
