weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
we're so committed to being not committed
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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