Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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