I'm jealous of your bromance
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
