lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
