I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
