His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
