Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
