I wish my penis had an off switch
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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