The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
