I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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