she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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