dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
it's great music for shaving your balls
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
