Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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