How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
