Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i was born a porn star she said
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
