her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
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No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
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my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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