Need sex. Gaining weight.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
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my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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