Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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