like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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