Can i not drive my cunt home
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
