When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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