Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
