No awkward lesbian experiences without me
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
