Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Dick very happy bro
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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