The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
