i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
