I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
