she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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