you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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