I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
