you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
