the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
