Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
People in love make me want to vomit
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
