I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
