You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
