Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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