Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
