i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
