Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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