I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do you still have your period?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
