How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
