Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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