what day is it and did you see me today?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
