and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
