you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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