I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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