I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize