Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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