I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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