she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
