That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
