i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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