You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
