Pregnant stripper...not hot.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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