just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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