I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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