Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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