i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
