and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
