Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
