i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
