dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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